Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
