carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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