I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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