Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
