dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my liver is dry heaving
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
