she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
