I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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