you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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