Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What drink are we having for lunch?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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