I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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