I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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