While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
