took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
