Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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