You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
