Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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