i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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