I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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