hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
