Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
