so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
