I only kidnapped one of them. chill
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
