if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
