the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
