Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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