She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
