oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
