THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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