i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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