whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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