based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
