It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
