i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
