Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
