I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
