everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
