Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
