I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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