I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
