I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
