You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
