when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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