I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
