Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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