11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize