First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
