I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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