She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize