Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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