If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
