so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Randomize