Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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