god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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