this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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