Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
