remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
