I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
