I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
