i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
