Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
