this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
