OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
