ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
