i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
