AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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