I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
there is glitter all over my balls
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
