gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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