I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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