Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
