oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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